What I watched: An episode of the early children’s show Kukla, Fran and Ollie. The series starred the titular Fran Allison, with all other roles being played by series creator and puppeteer Burr Tillstrom. “Dragon Prep Rally” aired on Friday, October 6, 1950 at 7:00 PM on NBC. Video is available on the official KFO YouTube channel.
What happened: We open on Kukla waxing the newly-installed floors on the Kuklapolitan stage. It’s so slick that the puppets start sliding across it, including Fletcher Rabbit, who nonchalantly jumps into Kukla’s arms, and Beulah Witch, who does a belly flop into a stage-left exit.
Ollie gets the main plot started by finding a chest with all of his old souvenirs from Dragon Prep: a beanie, a Bunsen burner, a corsage and the school scarf. He notes that he went to the school at the height of the Depression, which I think puts Ollie in at least his mid-30s.
Kukla comes along after he’s gone and finds the book of pep songs he’s left behind. He shows it to Fran, who does a decent job of miming slipping on the floor. Jack just happens to know the music, letting the duo sing a salute to the school. Ollie joins them and explains that the school was very fancy and had its own style of architecture, Dragon Gothic. Sounds like my fashion sense in high school.
This turns into a story about Ollie’s dad embarrassing him by playing his zither. He also belonged to a dragon fraternity, which was founded by his family. Ollie joins them in another round of “We Salute You, Dragon Prep.” He also explains that he used his family influence to allow for the admission of female students, or “dragonettes”, beginning in his second year.
There’s a brief commercial diversion when Madame Oglepuss pops up to show off a magazine ad for RCA Victor. Call it a meta-ad. She even plays a record with a trance-like “call of the bayou.” It’s very silly. Madame O is moved to dance with Kukla, with which the slippery floor turns into just slamming him against the sides of the stage.
Ollie re-emerges, wearing his scarf, to sing the old dragon fight song. Fran sings the dragonette part. He offers to bring them back to the school. Kukla briefly plugs some sort of Sunday special with a KFO-related feature before one final cheer for RCA.
What I thought: Dear Parents,
We are pleased to welcome you back to another exciting year at Dragon Prep. After two years of long-distance learning and masked classes, we are pleased to see your smiling snouts again. Firebreathing class will be returning to the syllabus. However, all teachers, janitors, kitchen staff, and other school employees will remain masked for your children’s protection.
Dragon Prep is also pleased to implement a new curriculum based on our discussion with Diversity ,Equity and Inclusion (DEI) consultants. We will be retiring our mascot “Squinty the Kobold”, and all of our non-male sports teams will now be known as the Dragonxs instead of the Dragonettes. Dragon Prep remains committed to including dragons of all types, whether they be metallic, chromatic, crystalline, long, pseudodragons, or wyverns, as long as they can pay tuition.
This year’s school trip will be to Aspen, Colorado. Students will learn essential skills such as skiing, high-altitude flight, wine tasting, and horde construction. We are currently looking for parent volunteers to act as chaperones.
Note that peanuts and peanut products are banned on campus due to allergies. Please do not send your little dragons to school with peanut butter-covered mice in their lunch boxes. Our school kitchen provides an assortment of healthy treats with vegan and vegetarian options. On a similar note, bows and arrows are barred from campus, outside of the annual Smaug’s Night festivities.
As one of the first female dragons to be admitted to Dragon Prep, I have seen this school change a lot. What remains, however, is always the expression of joy on children’s faces, the creativity of youth, and the school spirit best embodied by the ringing voices singing “We Salute You, Dragon Prep.” Here’s to anther exciting year ahead.
Sincerely,
Dolores Dragon, Headmistress
Coming up next: Somebody’s poisoned the watering hole!
The Eternal Couch Potato 