What I watched: The seventh episode of the first season of The Lone Ranger, a kid-oriented Western created by George W. Trendle. This episode starred Clayton Moore as the titular hero and Jay Silverheels as Tonto, with guest appearances by Rufe Davis, Don Diamond, Sheila Ryan and John Parrish. This episode was directed by George B. Seitz Jr. and written by Tom Seller. “Pete and Pedro” aired on Thursday, October 27 at 7:30 PM on ABC, and is available to watch on YouTube.
What happened: The Ranger and Tonto arrive at the house of Ellen Carter (Ryan), a lone woman who is apparently defending her ranch from greedy speculators by holding a rifle and generally looking like a badass. Apparently she’s being threatened by the neighbouring landowner Grant (Parrish), who wants to buy out her farm and is making it impossible to hire ranch hands. Tonto goes to work undercover at Grant’s ranch, while the Ranger recommends two men who won’t scare: the titular Pete and Pedro (Davis and Diamond respectively.
We meet the gruesome twosome, who are amusing themselves by trying to shoot each others’ heads off. The Ranger stops this silliness before someone gets killed, and greets these two men who are apparently his old friends. Pedro identifies them as “two of the laziest hombres in the whole county,” unfortunately. But he’s willing to do it to help out the “beautiful senorita.” So, not exactly a stereotype-busting character here.
Soon enough, Grant’s man come around to lean on the new hands. The Ranger tells them, wittily, that “You’re the ones who are going to vamoose.” A big slobberknocker follows, with Pete and Pedro using some old schoolyard tricks. They subdue the bad guys. Grant is not impressed by this, and plans to kill Carter. Apparently there’s gold on her property, hence him going to all this trouble. Fortunately, Tonto is there as a spy to hear it all. But he and the Ranger get caught listening at the windowsill and are captured.
Instead of just shooting our two heroes, Grant ties them up, sets them back on their horses, and takes them back to the ranch with the aim of killing them in a fire along with Carter. Meanwhile, back on the ranch, Pete and Pedro are still planning to woo Ellen with pathetic gifts they found on the ground. I’ve been there guys, and it doesn’t end well.
Just as the two buffoons try to confess, Grant shows up to execute his evil scheme. He subdues Ellen, Pete and Pedro within a camera cut, and set the fire. The Ranger has a blade in his gloves, it turns out, and is able to cut the ropes after a lot of wiggling against each other. They escape from the burning building, again off screen, and go to get their revenge on Grant.
At Grant’s ranch, they hide on the roof and lasso the bad guys. They say they’ll take them to the sheriff’s office, which ALSO happens with a quick cut. Carter says that she’s going to get married to Bill, this random guy who’s been in the background this whole time. Pete and Pedro get to fight over who’ll be best man at the wedding, and swear to kill each other again. The Ranger chuckles at this attempted homicide, and rides off into the distance with Tonto.
What I thought: I had high hopes for this episode of The Lone Ranger. Considering that previous episode have featured women as extremely minor characters, if present at all, starting an episode with a cool lady holding a shotgun and standing her ground. Unfortunately, but unsurprisingly, this turns out not to be a feminist revenge story about a plucky cowgirl. Ellen Carter becomes a damsel in distress almost immediately, and by the end of the episode is safely enclosed in matrimony with a supremely boring dude.
Instead of being a showcase for Carter, the episode instead becomes a story about the redemption of bumbling men. It’s clear that the titular Pete and Pedro are meant to be beloved recurring characters, and may have appeared in previous Lone Ranger film serial or radio episodes. Introducing characters like this is a part of the series’s very slight continuity — we also have a brief mention of the Ranger helping Carter’s father against the Potter gang in a previous adventure. The Lone Ranger liked to suggest that there was an endless array of exciting-sounding stories that you had somehow managed to miss.
The intended narrative of the episode is that everyone takes Pete and Pedro for buffoons, but they eventually prove themselves. The Ranger’s dialogue about the duo being surprisingly resourceful sets them up to take the hero role while he and Tonto are captured. But that never really happens. Pete and Pedro don’t help the real heroes escape, and are at best incidental to the final victory. I also didn’t find their homicidal slapstick and bad accents nearly as amusing or charming as the script expected me to.
Compounding my sense of disappointment was the rushed conclusion of this episode. Most of its running time is spent putting our heroes in a difficult situation, only for them to get out with ease and a number of rapid camera cuts. Perhaps this was originally a film serial that needed to be cut down to the TV show’s 20-minute length. I’m also curious as to how commercials aired during the show. There’s nothing preserved on the film, but there’s a fade-to-black in the middle of the episode that seems like it would be the natural spot for a commercial break.
There was one thing that made me happy: the (probably unintentional) homoeroticism of this episode. When attempting to seduce Carter, Pedro tells her that Pete and he “are in love.” In context, he means that they’re both in love with a separate person, but it seems like they would be much better for each other. As per Eve Sedgwick, love triangles are often a means of disguising the homosexual affection between two male protagonists, with their desire for each other being projected onto a thin pretense of a female character. (For you weebs out there, just think about Naruto and Sasuke.) And what could be a clearer sign of their love that dare not speak its name than their constant failed attempts to shoot each other?
And then there’s Carter’s comments that the Lone Ranger and Tonto are “another great pair.” Throughout the series thus far, these two characters have been extremely stoic and withholding, never expressing affection for anyone around them. Even Pete and Pedro are described by the Ranger as only useful allies. But, nevertheless, they still travel together with no prospect of reward for their efforts. Sure, they’re doing it for justice and all that, but there are a lot of long cold nights on the trail. And… I think I’ll end it there, before I cross the thin line between queer theory and slash fic.
Coming up next: Our first taste of Fireball Fun for All. Let’s hope it doesn’t burn our tongues.
The Eternal Couch Potato 